By Mercedes Gray-Davis
There’s many that cringe at the thought of the constant calls from Beaverton school district at five in the morning telling you that you still have school. The idea of Christmas shopping with angry soccer moms that rage over her 1% off coupon not working and the ample discussion of all of Starbucks holiday drinks. This year, the Hummer staff compiled a list of reasons we don’t enjoy the holiday season.
As someone who works in retail, this makes my life a bit stressful. Many complain about lines at the store but they’re also just part of the problem. Yes, I know you had to wait 10 minutes in line, but you have three items and it would’ve been easier to go to self-checkout. The person in front of you bought $300 worth of Christmas decorations so please don’t get mad at me for taking a long time to ring them up when they also had 10 coupons for me to scan. Why do you ask me if I work here when you just saw my nametag. Did you even try to look for what you’re asking me for because it is 2 inches away from you. I just try to work efficiently and as quickly as possible and have to deal with many questions and try to help as best as we can so please don’t get mad!
“What do you want for Christmas?”
Listen, mom, I haven’t added anything else to my Amazon wishlist since the last time you asked me which was 23 minutes ago. I’m 17, I’m happy with red fuzzy socks with pugs on them and nail polish. Maybe a mug with cats in Santa hats. It’s okay please stop. Do not stress. I’m very easy to please.
Okay Carol, no, I do not have a boyfriend. Yes, I have plans for college but I don’t want to tell you. No, I’m not gonna worry about the ‘extra pounds I’m gaining’. Yes, I do want seconds and maybe even thirds, I’m 17 I get hungry. Yes, I’m aware of my grades. Yes, I’m going to graduate. No, I don’t feel like doing my homework right now. Yes, I will sit on this couch all winter break, and yes, I am going to be on my phone this whole dinner because everyone is asking the same questions that I don’t want to answer.
Oregon gets exactly one snow a year. And it’s either catastrophic or 1/9 of an inch with ice and that’s it. We all await the calls from Beaverton School district at 5 am and sit at the tv to watch the name of Beaverton High pass by, only to find out the list is already at C schools. So close. And no teens have good enough cars to drive in the snow. So you’re alone. All alone. And snow looks cute until you touch it. Then it’s wet and soggy and your hands are pink and you suddenly regret everything and you’re in pain.
A classic game for any holiday family gathering. I can imagine a dinner party as we speak. (Photo courtesy of Flavorwire).